Mental
by Y do u mock me so
Summary: Heero goes insane and terrorises people


Mental  
  
Heero has just had an accident in his Gundam . He has been knocked unconscious and has fallen out of the mobile suit. Relena sees this and calls a ambulance.  
  
Paramedic: Where is he?  
  
Relena: Over there.  
  
The paramedic rushes over and tends to a Gundam. Relena stands there looking astonished.  
  
Paramedic: I can't feel a pulse, get resuscitator. (he was speaking to the ambulance driver) Give it ten thousand volts, stat. (presses the iron looking thingy on the Gundam's chest plate) clear (tzzz) clear (tzzz) clear...  
  
Relena: It's the boy over there I wanted the ambulance for not the gundam .  
  
The paramedic picks Heero up and plonks him on a stretcher in the ambulance. The paramedics rush off so that Relena can't get in the ambulance with them.  
  
Later on in the hospital...  
  
Doctor: I think that your boyfriend might have brain damage.  
  
Relena: I need to see him.  
  
Doctor: Well, your going to have to wait, he has to be wearing a straight jacket before you see him.  
  
Relena: I don't care I need to see my Heero!  
  
Doctor: What? He saved your life?  
  
Relena: NO! That's his name.  
  
Doctor: No need to be sarcastic.  
  
Relena: I'M NOT BEING SARCASTIC THAT'S HIS NAME!  
  
Doctor: OK! OK! He's through there.  
  
Relena walks to Heero's room. She slammed the door after she entered.  
  
Doctor: Good God I'm glad I'm not her boyfriend!  
  
Inside Heero's recovery room, Heero is sturing. Relena: (thinking inside her head) Heero's going to be glad to see the gorgeous girl that saved his life.  
  
Heero opens his eyes and looks at Relena for a few seconds. He screams and goes into a comar again for another half an hour.  
  
An hour and a half later Heero wakes up and looks into Relena's eyes and says:  
  
Heero: Are you still here? I thought you would be gone by now.  
  
Relena grabs the glass of water on the bedside table and chucks it in Heero's face. Heero starts to laugh like Quatre did when his dad died.  
  
Heero: Little weed, little weed, little weed needs to go for a p**s.  
  
Heero pins down Relena with one hand and aims with the other hand. At that moment Duo walks in holding a bouquet.  
  
Duo: Hi guys.......er am I interrupting anything?  
  
Relena: HELP ME!!  
  
Duo: I'll just leave you guys alone.  
  
Duo puts the bouquet on the floor of the recovery room and walks out. As Duo is walking away he bumps into Dorothy.  
  
Dorothy: Look where your going you long haired hippy.  
  
Duo: Well, at least I don't have extra parts to my eyebrows.  
  
Dorothy: I don't think there's anything wrong with my eyebrows.  
  
Duo: Blind, as well as stupid! your talents keep growing every day, next you'll be saying Wufeii is cute.  
  
Duo walks away shaking his head. Dorothy talks to herself and says:  
  
Dorothy: Wufeii is cute though.  
  
Dorothy meanders over to Heero's recovery room. She opens the door and sees Relena snivelling in the corner, but Heero is nowhere to be seen. Relena looks up at Dorothy, her eyes widen because she saw Heero approaching Dorothy with a pair of scissors. Heero pushes Dorothy to the ground and jumps on top of her.  
  
Heero: I'm gonna' make your eyebrows look normal *Dorothy starts struggling* what's wrong I promise it won't hurt me at all *he starts to laugh like Quatre again*  
  
The doctor hears the laugh and rushes to the room holding a fire extinguisher. He knocks it over Heero's head making Heero unconscious.  
  
Doctor: I think you 2 lads er ladies should go home and get away from this madman.  
  
Dorothy and Relena walk out of the room without saying a word.  
  
When Heero finally comes to, he finds himself strapped into his bed with 2 belts. The first belt is at his shoulders and the second is at his knees. Heero starts to bite at the belt like a dog tearing up a piece of meat.  
  
Heero: Aha! I've bitten through. Now I can get my revenge on that evil, evil girl. * spots money on the table* Ha! Ha! Ha! I think Relena is going to get a scary phone call.  
  
The phone starts to ring at Relena's house.  
  
Relena: Don't hang up I'm coming, I'm coming. * picks up the phone* Hello!  
  
Heero: *breaths done the phone for a few seconds* What's your favourite scary movie?  
  
Relena: Scary Movie 2.  
  
Heero: That's not a scary movie! It's a comedy movie! I'll ask you again, what's your favourite scary movie?  
  
Relena: Jeepers Creepers.  
  
Heero: NO! NO! NO! I'll ask you AGAIN! What's you favourite scary movie?  
  
Relena: Err.....The Sixth Sense.  
  
Heero: LISTEN! It's not that hard. I say whats your...  
  
Pay phones voice: Please insert 50p.  
  
Relena: What?  
  
Heero: Darn pay phone *say's this as he puts in 50p*  
  
Relena: Are you still there?  
  
Heero: Yes. Now as I was saying, I say "What's your favourite scary movie?" And then you go "Scream".  
  
Relena: But I haven't seen scream?  
  
Heero: AGGGGHHHHH!  
  
Relena: EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!  
  
Heero: You know you really are anoying! How you got to be Queen of the World, I do not know.  
  
Relena: Huh? Do you know me?  
  
Heero: I don't want to know you, does that count?  
  
Relena: So...you do know me. Are you Milliado?  
  
Heero puts the phone down and screams with annoyance. The doctor comes into the waiting room holding a scalpel.  
  
Doctor: What are you doing?  
  
Heero runs around the room and takes of the pink night-dress that they lent him (he's not wearing any underwear). Heero jumps out the window and since it is on the third floor Heero breaks his leg.  
  
Heero: No problem.  
  
He clicks his leg back into place and runs into the woods.  
  
Doctor: * As he watches Heero run away * I do wonder *sigh* if that boy is human.  
  
Duo creeps up behind him. ( Duo has stayed in the hospital because he fell down the stairs and has broken his arm).  
  
Duo: If you ask me he isn't.  
  
Trowa: How would you know?  
  
Duo: EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!! *He jumps into the doctors arms*.  
  
Doctor: EHEM.  
  
Duo: Oh, sorry. * He gets out of the doctors arms.*  
  
Trowa: What?  
  
Duo: *His face is astonished* YOU SPOKE! It's a miracle! Ha, Ha, Wufeii's lost his bet!  
  
Trowa: What bet?  
  
Duo: Well.....I bet Wufeii 100 pounds that you would say something one day, he said you wouldn't but I just knew you would and their I was thinking that you had a speech impediment, well you proved me wrong, I guess that means that you won't need Quatre as a translator any more? *He says all this very fast.*  
  
Trowa: ..........  
  
Doctor: Now look what you've done he won't say anything now.  
  
Duo: How do you know him?  
  
Doctor: I used to be his doctor.  
  
Duo: Really? What illnesses did he have?  
  
Doctor: Well the one that I remember the most is the one which he had quite recently -  
  
Trowa: Nooooooooooo  
  
Duo: What was that?  
  
Trowa: Noooooooooooooooo  
  
Doctor: When he had haemorr-  
  
Trowa puts his hand over the doctors mouth and whispers something in his ear.  
  
Doctor: Sorry, I can't say because it's classified information.  
  
In the woods Wufeii is meditating. He is tring to find his inner self because his outer self is an idiot.  
  
Wufeii: I must concentrate, concentrate CONCETRATE. This is no good I'm going to go order a pizza.  
  
Heero: Order me one too, love. * He is siting on a couch in the middle of the woods and he is sitting like Kate Winslet did when Leanado DiCaprio painted her in the film 'Titanic'*  
  
Wufeii: AGHH!  
  
Heero: Now paint me. * blows a kiss at Wufeii and then winks at him.*  
  
Wufeii: * Crawls on his bum back to Nataku* Mummy, help me. Why don't you go find Relena.  
  
Heero: All in good time, Wufeii, all in good time. But right now I want ....  
  
Wufeii: Aghhhh! *Looks up to the sky* Treize where are you? Oh, wait, I killed him. Heero: I'm coming to get you * giggles.*  
  
Wufeii starts to run and Heero starts to run after him. They keep running for half an hour.  
  
Heero: I'm......going........to.......catch.......you.......Your.......going......t o.....get........tired...... Soon.  
  
Wufeii: Not *gasp* as long as you *gasp* follow me! Good I can see Relena's house!  
  
Relena spots Heero and Wufeii running to her house. So she orders all of her servants to shut all the windows and doors.  
  
Wufeii bangs on the door but to no avail because noone answers. He turns around and comes face to face with Heero. (Well not exactly face to face, I'd say that they were about 10 metres away from each other)  
  
Heero: No where to run apart from me. Come to me now and I'll be gentle.  
  
Wufeii: Your mad!  
  
Heero starts to walk closer to Wufeii. Wufeii pee's in his pants in fear.  
  
A hand reaches out from the door and pulls him in. ( Treize's hand )  
  
Treize: And where have you been? I've been worried sick all night!  
  
Wufeii: That's none of your business ......... Hey, get back to your grave this instance!  
  
Treize slowly walks back to his grave and he mummbles something about Wufeii smelling like pee. Wufeii leans against the door and sighs. Little did Wufeii know that Heero was still tring to get in. Smash! An arm broke through the door and unlocked it.  
  
Heero: Honey I'm home.  
  
Heero runs to Wufeii and kisses him on the lips. Treize looks back and see's them kissing.  
  
Treize: Oh great, I've been killed by a puff.  
  
Wufeii struggles in Heero's arms. But Heero just starts to squeeze Wufeii's bum.  
  
Heero: Don't stuggle or I'll knock you unconcious.  
  
Wufeii: *wimpering* Help me Treize.  
  
Treize starts to get enraged about what Heero is doing to Wufeii.  
  
Treize: GET OFF WUFEII OR I'LL KICK YOUR ARSE, YOU B*****D.  
  
Heero: Huh?  
  
Treize runs at Heero and punches him in the face Heero lets go of Wufeii. Heero reaches for his gun but realises Treize is dead so he doesn't pick it up. Wufeii then grabs a house plant and throws it at the back of Heero's head. This leaves Heero stunned for a couple of seconds which allowed Treize to chuck him out of the window.  
  
Heero: *glares at Treize* I'll be back and next time I'll have some clothes on!  
  
Heero runs off, into the trees.  
  
Wufeii: Will you be my bodygaurd?  
  
Treize: Ok-  
  
Relena : Wheres Heero? Is he gone? Where has he gone to? He's probably after Milliado ! I knew that I shouldn't have stayed in bed so long, even though I need my beauty sleep.  
  
Wufeii : You have to sleep at night to be pretty?  
  
Treize: Well it's obvious to me that she hasn't slept in days.  
  
Relena: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! BOTH OF YOU.  
  
Treize: But I am undead I cannot die because-  
  
Wufeii: He's already dead!  
  
Treize: Thanks for finishing of my sentence!  
  
Wufeii: Your welcome.  
  
Relena: *As she is pushing Treize and Wufeii out of her house* I don't care if you are a zombie.  
  
Treize: We prefer to be called the living dead.  
  
Relena slams the door in their faces.  
  
Later Quatre and Trowa were looking at something of Quatre's ..... San rock.  
  
Trowa: Isn't this thing supposed to be able to self detonate?  
  
Quatre: Yeah, but I removed it with some pliers.  
  
Trowa: That sounds fairly painful.  
  
Quatre: I know, well you got to live with it I suppose. Not every boy has one, and no girl I know has one either! Trowa: Heero tried to blow his one up!!! Hey! Can I look inside?  
  
Quatre: Yeah, all you have to do is pull the knob.  
  
Trowa: What? This one?  
  
Quatre: No! Thats my sisters one!  
  
Trowa: I thought that you said you don't know a girl who has one?  
  
Quatre: Well....I suppose I do!..............Here let me help you! We can do it together.  
  
Duo: Am I interupting something?  
  
Quatre: No.  
  
Duo: Then why are you pulling his knob?  
  
Trowa: What was I thinking!!! Thats his! I should leave it be! 


End file.
